Thank you for devoting your time to aid in the rescue of our drowning nation. As you know, the midterm elections are right around the corner, and if we are to save this Republic, there is one thing we need more than anything else: MONEY! It is your job to acquire heaps of it by […]Read more "The GOP Handbook for Fundraising"
Traditional folk song of the indigenous peoples of Melenoria, sung in the Èthanshwogg dialect Wylu, cocka shlimby, fwy? Shlimbu nogga swimbry vly! Kalu-ziki ruzuvah, Ishdu bliki zuru kah. Myluzenri shubu tekka shlien! Lazuka mani ishubizelien! . English Translation: Crazy one, you brag gleefully, eh? Happy head, making mud!* From out my heart a war cry, […]Read more "Zuru Kah"
I’ve been watching the clock closely for half an hour, and the moment has finally come: 8:59 p.m. E.S.T. It’s Romeo’s and my 24-hour anniversary! Romeo is the best man alive, and I am so looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him!!!!!!!! Okay, girls, on to today’s topic. Yesterday, I taught […]Read more "Juliet’s Journal: How to Be an Awesome Girlfriend"
Today I have to begin with some personal, very exciting news! As of 8:58 p.m. last night, I have found my soul mate! Now, many people have asked me, “Juliet, how did you know that Romeo was the one?” Well, girls, in this post I am going to share with you three simple steps that […]Read more "Juliet’s Journal: A Modern Guide to Finding Your Soul Mate"
I like to take the long way home, The lazy road that wanders there Among the sagebrush outside town. I like to roll my windows down, The cool air swooshing through my hair, Bewitching me again to roam. The sky shines blue after the rain And stretches, touching earth on all Horizons. Puffs of white […]Read more "Evening Drive: Wyoming Edition"
I think every kid wants a superpower of some kind. My brother and I did. He always wanted to be a flame-throwing, shape-shifting, flying robot-man. Me? I just wanted to be invisible. Little did I ever think it would become a reality for me. I remember the day I discovered my superpower clearly. It was […]Read more "Mollie Wiser’s Superpower"
I informed my friends that I will become a dictator. They took it in stride. If by taking it in stride you mean snorting in derision. But they were judged. Turns out it’s hard to snort in derision while drinking pop. Apparently deciding to become an evil dictator is the easy part. There are no […]Read more "Part 2–Awesome Choices"
Some hopes glow like bright balloons That lure you to the sky— They take you up to glorious heights Then pop, then drop, then die. And when you wake with muddy teeth And gravel in your eye, With hands and knees and elbows scraped, The pain will make you cry. Wipe those tear drops from […]Read more "Hopes vs. Fears"
Why? Because the scriptures say we should sing and make melody in our hearts with PSALMS and hymns and spiritual songs. We’ve got the hymns and spiritual songs thing down pat. But how often do churches sing psalms? My church decided to change this in our worship services. But we hit a snag. By and […]Read more "On Reworking the Psalms for Modern Worship"
I never intended to be a prophet. The thought never even crossed my mind. And that’s saying a lot considering all the thoughts that do cross my mind. All I ever wanted to be was a librarian. I know. Kinda weird. But I like books so it seemed like the logical thing to do. I […]Read more "The Predictions of Mollie Wiser on the Future and the End of the World"