Today I have to begin with some personal, very exciting news! As of 8:58 p.m. last night, I have found my soul mate!
Now, many people have asked me, “Juliet, how did you know that Romeo was the one?” Well, girls, in this post I am going to share with you three simple steps that you can take to determine if the man you’re interested in is indeed your soul mate.
But first, a little historical background on the term soul mate. Way back in the beginning when people were first walking around, they noticed something. Whenever they would step on something sharp, their feet would hurt or even bleed. In order to prevent this discomfort, they invented what we now call shoes. At first they looked more like sandals, but the concept was essentially the same—to protect your feet. What we are particularly interested in, though, is that little foot-shaped part that your foot sits directly on top of—the soul. This is the very essence of the shoe.
Now, how many of you have gone to the store to buy one shoe all by itself? Hopefully, none of you! They don’t sell them like that. Why? Because shoes come in pairs! Every single one has a mate.
And just like shoes, every one of us has a soul. And if every one of us has a soul, then it logically follows that every one of us has a mate as well—a soul mate. (Because shoes don’t come in singles! Duh!)
Isn’t that just beautiful?
Unlike shoes, however, we don’t start out in a pair. I know many of you wish we did. Before Romeo, I often wished we did too. But the sad truth is that humans rarely want what they already have, and so it is absolutely essential to our well-being that we not have our soul-mate to begin with. (Experts also suggest that such an arrangement would have a negative effect on early childhood development. For example, most 4-year-olds are not ready for a serious relationship. In fact, studies show that the part of the brain essential to forming/maintaining serious relationships is not fully developed until a child reaches the age of 12.)
So think of the world as a giant pile of shoes. Somewhere in that pile is your missing pair. Your mission is to find it.
Now, girls, let’s stop a moment and be thankful. We have it so much easier than the women of the past. If their shoes were on the other side of the world, they would have lived and died without ever finding them. Not so for us. Thanks to modern technology, we don’t even have to leave our homes. Social media, my friends, is the beacon of hope to all who seek their missing mates.
Alright, girls, I know you’ve been patiently waiting, so here it is:
3 Foolproof Steps to Determine if any Given Man is Your Soul Mate
First, as soon as you see a picture or hear of a man, and especially before you meet or talk to him, it is so important that you go straight to his facebook page. (I know many girls who have skipped this step and have been swayed by a man’s talking to their own peril. Beware. A man can say anything that he knows you want to hear.) When you get there, you’re looking to answer 3 vital questions.
1. Is he a good guy? In order to find out, you’ll need to go to his about page. Then read about him: where is he from? Which TV shows does he like? What kinds of music does he prefer? Does he have any hobbies? What are his political views? The about page is where you get to know who he is. It is his heart.
Now, you may be thinking, “I know lots of guys who don’t have anything on their about pages. How do I know what’s in their hearts?” I hate to say this, but I have to be honest. If a man does not have information on his about page, you cannot be sure he does have a heart. And trust me, girls, you do not want a man who doesn’t have a heart.
If he has a good heart, you’ll know from what you see on his about page.
2. Will he treat me well? To determine the answer, go to his wall and spend an hour or two scrolling through his posts and pictures. (I know that sounds like a lot of time, and it is, but in a decision as important as marriage, you don’t want to rush into anything.) What you are looking for here is praise posts. How often does he post the praises of people in his life already? If he never does, that is absolutely a red flag! There is no reason to suppose that he will post praises about you if he doesn’t for anyone else. Maybe that doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, but give it a week or two and you will be in the agonizing grip of insecurity. It is estimated that the average adult female needs to be praised publically, specifically on social media platforms, at the very minimum, 3 times a week. (In a recent study, women who were praised at least 3 times or more a week had fuller, healthier hair while women who were praised only 1-2 times experienced abnormal hair loss, and women who were not praised at all experienced baldness [It is believed this baldness is due to anxiety resulting from the fact that no one is paying attention to them.])
And now for the most important question . . .
3. Is he over-the-top, adorably cute? I can hear the nervous giggles now, but I am serious. Remember, your soul mate is someone you will be posting selfies with for the rest of your lives. You’d better make sure he’s photogenic. You can find this out by looking at his selfies. Notice I said, “selfies,” and not just “profile pic.” You’re going to want to see a ton of selfies. If a man doesn’t post a selfie at least once a day, you cannot be sure if he is cute every day or just on special occasions. (There is also an app you can buy that will take his picture and tell you what he will look like 10, 20, 40 years down the road, which I heartily recommend. Just because he’s cute today doesn’t necessarily mean he will be in 50 years.)
Well, girls, now you know. If you can answer yes to all three of the above questions, do not pass go, do sign up for e-harmony: you’ve found your soul mate. Happy wedding planning! 🙂